Little reminder: Your life with chronic illness matters.

This week I will attend the inquest into my dad’s death, which is going to be pretty rough. I posted six months ago that he had passed away but I had not said why.

The truth is my dad took his own life. This is a hard sentence to write, and is made worse because he did this terrible thing because he was chronically ill as decided he did not want to be sick or in pain any longer. To my dad, being sick meant his life had no value and he had no future to look forward to, so he decided to end things rather than face this increasingly bleak future as he saw it.

As somebody with chronic illnesses myself (both endometriosis and adenomyosis) the thought that my dad felt that being sick meant his life was worthless and his future hopeless is particularly hard to accept. We [his family] did not think these things about him or facilitate him feeling this way. This thinking is everything I try to stand against in my daily life and in my writing.

I tried to tell him everything would be OK. That he would get through it. The truth is I didn’t know that it would be OK, for him and for me. But through the years I have hit rock bottom a number of times because of being sick but have always come through the other side again eventually. You have to keep hope inside of you that life is cyclical and things never stay the same forever.

Being chronically ill is rough, particularly when young, and can easily pull you under. At times it can make you feel so demoralized and worthless it seems pointless to continue. For example, I wanted a big and rewarding career that I’ve worked hard to achieve, but now have to accept this is beyond my capabilities with my health being what it is. I still feel sad about this and I still cry sometimes but I don’t let it rule my life or dictate my self worth. Instead I have tried to find a job which doesn’t sap all my energy, which I enjoy, and learn to take please in some of the smaller things in life. I try not to compare myself to my peers, most of whom have not had to wade through the challenges that poor health present, as I have. What does it achieve anyway?

There was a time a few years ago, before my my surgery, when I felt my life was over and I was doomed to a life of pain, infertility and sadness because of my illnesses. Three years on I’m thriving and have a gorgeous baby son. I’d never have believed this possible such a short time ago after a decade of pain. I have spoken with some many endo suffers who have felt suicidal at one time or another and this breaks my heart.

So long story short, believe in yourselves my fellow chronic illness warriors. Things are rarely as bleak as they seem, I promise. You can do this. Your life matters and has real value, being sick can never take that away. Take one day at a time and ask for help if you need it. People will answer. Don’t be like my dad and throw your life away because you’ve given up hope and you’re scared. It leaves too many broken hearts behind, and there are no surgeries or pills that can ever fix them.

In a crisis you can contact your national suicide support phone lines here.

With love,
Claire
xxx

Ten tips for living well with endometriosis from the EUK Information Day.

A little while ago I attended an Information Day hosted by Endometriosis UK in London. It was mainly aimed at newly diagnosed women and their friends/ families, but I thought it would be fun to go along to catch up with people and to hopefully pick up some new tips.

Image result for endometriosis banner long

Image credit: Endometriosis UK

I thought it might be useful to share some of the useful tips I picked up along the day for those of you who wouldn’t be there in person.

1- Find and build your tribe.
Having endometriosis is really rubbish, and can feel very isolating and frightening. Invest time and effort building up a support network of fellow endometriosis suffers (aka your ‘tribe’) as they are more likely to understand and relate to your struggles than your family and friends who do not have the disease. Fellow patients can also be an excellent source of information and advice. You can start building your tribe through local support group or online support groups.

2- Specialist nurses can be a valuable asset in your journey.
If you are being treated in a BSGE centre for endometriosis, there will be a specialist endometriosis nurse at the hospital whose role it is to support you and to  advocate on your behalf. These nurses have a wealth of knowledge and experience about living well with endometriosis, and also have more time available than consultants to discuss your history, goals, and treatment options. If you are being treated at a BSGE centre, but aren’t offered an appointment with a specialist nurse raise this with your medical team.

3- You are the CEO of your body.
When you have a debilitating disease like endometriosis it can be easy to feel that you lack control over your body. However, we can exercise a lot of control over many of the factors that influence pain; such as sleep, diet, exercise, and stress. Take ownership of your body one step at a time and you are likely to start feeling positive effects. The Pain Toolkit can be a really useful starting point for this. As can keeping a pain diary.

4- Exercise is your friend.
It can be very gentle and take place at home. Start small and build up, but regular movement promotes general health and can help to reduce pain thanks to endorphins. Many women at the event shared their experiences and the consensus seemed to be around yoga, swimming, and pilates as particularly helpful.

5- Endometriosis is a highly individual disease.
There are no quick fixes or easy answers. What works some for some people won’t work for you, and vice versa. Don’t get discouraged. Take time to get to know your own body, and think through what matters to you before deciding on a treatment strategy.

6- If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Whether it be a specialist endometriosis nurse or a referral to a pain management team, you’re often only likely to be offered services when you have directly asked for them. Do your research about what services are available, and make sure you advocate for yourself. Services are out there to be utilised.

7- Progress is being made to improve the patient journey….
During the Information Day the presenters discussed the new NICE guidelines for endometriosis which will soon come into force and will hopefully positively influence patient care. Other initiatives aimed at improving research funding for the disease were also raised. This is all really positive progress and shows that endometriosis awareness is continuing to grow. This can only have a positive impact on us as a patient community.

8- …But conversely, lots of the old myths still exist!
Lots of the ladies present at the Information Day said they had been advised by their doctors to have a baby or hysterectomy as a cure for endometriosis. The debate about the benefits of excision vs ablation surgery was also discussed. The take home message- see the most experienced doctor you can and view all information provided with a critical eye. You are the CEO of your own body after all, don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

9- Endometriosis is a life changing illness.
Don’t let anybody undermine your experience or tell you otherwise. Yes it’s not cancer, and no it’s not likely to kill you, but it’s still a pretty big deal.

10- There is hope.
There were lots of women with endometriosis at the Information Day who have been diagnosed with endometriosis for a very long time, and who had learned to thrive despite the awful experiences they had endured. Carol Pearson gave a particularly inspiring speech which reiterated that sometimes you don’t ended up living the life you would have planned for yourself, but that life can be one hell of adventure anyway. Oh, and she also reminded us to keep shouting loudly about endometriosis whenever you can. Change can and will happen for endometriosis, and we have such power to bring that about from within our community.

I hope this was useful. Sometimes it’s good just to reinforce the important tools that we know, as knowing and doing can be two separate things! I’d also love to hear your single top tip for living well with endometriosis!

Love,
Claire
xxx

I’m currently featuring on ‘The Endo Twins’ website.

Last week, I had the awesome experience of being interviewed by Fela of The Endo Twins site about all things endometriosis, adenomyosis, and living well despite chronic illness. This encounter stemmed from our shared experience of living with endometriosis on the diaphragm. You can check the interview out here.

interview-pic
If you have, or suspect that you have diaphragmatic/thoracic endometriosis- please feel free to get in touch through my ‘contact’ page. Also, do check out ‘The Endo Twins’ site as it’s such an interesting read. Thanks again to Fela for featuring me!

With love,
Claire
xxx

My blog is nominated for a WEGO Health activism award.

I’ve been nominated for a WEGO Health award, in the blogging category. This was a lovely surprise! I think it’s great that there is an effort to recognise the amazing work that bloggers do to raise awareness of the many chronic and often invisible health conditions out in the world, including endometriosis.

wego-badge

Please take a moment to check out my profile page and to ‘endorse me’ if you like my posts and the work that I do with regards to endometriosis and adenomyosis. It would mean a lot- it’s so great when endosisters can support each other in their efforts!

Thanks, and much love,
Claire
xxx

I have a new endometriosis post in the International Business Times.

I have had a new article published in the International Business Times UK today, about why endometriosis and period pain matter. You can read it here.

Article Pic
Do you feel like your period pain has held you back in life? Has it prevented you from reaching certain goals? How do you attempt to overcome this challenge? Looking forward to hearing any thoughts you have about this.

Love,
Claire
xxx

Four reasons why I celebrate my endo-versary (and why you should too)!

A modified version of this post first appeared on The Mighty site on 10th August 2016. You can view the original here.

On Saturday I will be celebrating my second endo-versary, exactly two years to the day since I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I’ll be having brunch with some of my lovely endo-sisters and then cracking open a bottle of something sparkling and delicious with my husband in the evening. Chocolate may also be involved.

‘‘Hang on a moment…’’ I hear you cry, ‘‘why would you want to celebrate the day that you found out that you have a debilitating chronic illness that has led you to spend much of the last decade in varying degrees of pain and exhaustion?’’ This is fair question, but hear me out while I try and convince you that endo-versaries are a good thing for your mind and body, and that can help you to manage your endometriosis more effectively over the long term.

Cheers- to me! Another year survived.

Cheers- to me! Another year survived.

  1. It marks your first major win against the disease.

If you don’t know what’s causing your symptoms, it can be difficult to combat and manage them effectively. But for many women, getting a diagnosis of endometriosis is extremely hard. In fact, it takes women in the UK an average of 7.5 years from developing initial symptoms to getting a correct diagnosis- a trend that is mirrored across the globe. I myself was seeking answers for my pelvic pain and fatigue for 14 years and with over 20 doctors before finally gaining a correct diagnosis!

Fighting for my health while being so sick required infinite amounts of patience, determination, and self-belief- more than I ever believed I could possess. My efforts paid off in the end, and while gaining an endometriosis diagnosis has been devastating and life-changing, it has also enabled me to start taking control of my body and turning things around for the better. Who wouldn’t raise a glass (or two) to that?

  1. It offers an opportunity for reflection.

Life with endometriosis, or any chronic illness, can feel like a never ending and unwinnable battle. It can be easy to become discouraged and overly hard on yourself.

Having space for annual reflection can be a really helpful way of gaging how far you have come and what you’ve achieved in spite of being sick. It can also be useful for helping you to figure out what you want to work on or achieve over the coming year. For example, on my first endo-versary I reflected on how my time had been focused on coming to terms with my new diagnosis, and how far I’d come in working through my feelings of fear and grief. And now, approaching my secondary endo-versary I can see how this year has been about accessing and recovering from the surgery I needed to improve my quality of life. Over the next year, I will take on the formidable fertility fight in the hopes of having a baby. Looking back on how far I’ve come gives me a huge sense of achievement on how strong I’ve been, as well as bringing a new determination for the upcoming challenges I’ll face over the coming months.

  1. It opens up an avenue for awareness raising.

If you’re like me, you might limit the amount you post on your personal social media accounts about endometriosis and your own battle with the disease. I used to post a lot more but it was obvious that ‘compassion fatigue’ had set in and that my posts were having little impact. Posting about my endo-versary is a concrete way of revisiting the issue and helping to raise much needed awareness for endometriosis amongst family and friends. This will also help to remind them that I live with this disease 24/7 and that their help and support is much needed and greatly appreciated.

  1. It’s an excuse for some well-deserved pampering.

Like any celebration worth its name, an endo-versary is an excellent opportunity to indulge in a little pampering or ‘me time’- whatever you need most. So crack open the bubbly, or the chocolate, or go to a spa, or to the theatre, or bake cakes to eat with your girlfriends- whatever makes you feel good. You’ve made it through another year despite endometriosis- you’ve earned it!

If you're going to break your Endo-Diet, do it in style I say!

If you’re going to break your Endo-Diet, do it in style I say!

So there you have it. I hope you’re convinced and will start marking your endo-versary in whatever way you see fit, if you don’t already. But if not, that’s OK, but please know this. On the 13th August, as I toast my own successes and the journey to come, I shall raise my glass to you as well- all of you who live with endometriosis every day. You are all so strong and so brave, and without the support of many of you I’d probably be spending this endo-versary hiding under my bed crying. Cheers!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you celebrate your endo-versary, and if so, how? Conversely, is it something you could never bring yourself to celebrate?

Love,
Claire
xxx

Adenomyosis: A one way ticket to hysterectomy?

Did you know that April is Adenomyosis awareness month?

april adenomyosis awareness

I was diagnosed with this disease in August 2014, on the same day that I was also diagnosed with endometriosis. It really wasn’t my greatest day- but it did explain rather a lot. Like many people I had never even heard of adenomyosis before, so I was very taken aback to find out that I have it. Adeno-what?! When I wanted to learn more about this mystery illness that had been wrecking havoc on my insides, a quick internet search revealed (rather depressingly) that adenomyosis a) is the lesser understood evil cousin of endometriosis (and that is certainly saying something!), and b) is a leading cause of hysterectomy.

This hysterectomy factoid really bothered me from the start. It may be some form of Stockholm Syndrome, but I am really attached to all my lady parts and am not keen to loose them. However, reading about the experiences of other women with the disease on internet forums made me feel like having a hysterectomy is an inevitable part of my future. They describe the disease growing stronger until it takes over your life. Now don’t get me wrong, I want all women to feel empowered to make the choices that are right for them, and if a hysterectomy is going to relieve suffering then that’s great. But for a long time I lived in a state of panic, like my uterus is a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. I  tell myself that those joining support forums or having hysterectomies are those who have been worse affected by the disease, and may not be representative of the majority of women with adenomyosis.

I’ve gotten bored of living in fear and feeling that I have no control over what is happening to my body. I have written this post to answer some of the questions I am frequently asked about my experiences with adenomyosis, to try and figure out what may be waiting for me in the future, and to help raise awareness for this often debilitating much overlooked disease.

What is adenomyosis?

Adenomyosis is a benign chronic disease where the lining of the uterus (endometrium) grows into the muscle layer of the uterus (myometrium). This can happen diffusely throughout the uterus-appearing as little specks, or can lead to the formation of larger growths called adenomyomas.

adenomyosis

What does adenomyosis feel like?
Having endometriosis in addition to adenomyosis, I used to find it difficult to determine precisely which symptoms were caused by each disease. Since having my endometriosis surgically excised I believe I now have a much clearer understanding of the effects that adenomyosis has on my body. It’s important to note though that each person experiences of disease is unique- how adenomyosis affects me may be completely different for somebody else.

For me, adenomyosis feels like a red hot poker is being slowly stabbed into my uterus over and over again. This used to only happen during my period, but now it strikes any time in my cycle. It’s basically uterus Armageddon. The disease also leads to a dull but intense aching sensation which radiates to my lower back and thighs. Like many women with the disease I also experience heavy periods with the presence of many clots, some of which are very large. I once had a clot the size of an egg- it was horrifying. I’ve tracked my periods since puberty and they have certainly become progressively heavier and more painful over the years.

A myriad of other symptoms have also been associated with adenomyosis. I have certainly experienced many of them to greater of lesser degrees, such as fatigue, aching joints, bloating, and a general feeling of malaise. Adenomyosis can also compromise bowel and bladder function, lead to anemia (from the prolonged heavy bleeding), and has been tentatively linked to depression. It’s effect on fertility is currently unclear as there has been little research on the subject, and the work that has been done is often confounded by the women also having a diagnosis of endometriosis. However, the general feeling appears to be that adenomyosis can negatively impact upon fertility outcomes, we just aren’t clear precisely why or how this is.

Over time adenomyosis can also cause the uterus to grow, and it can become extremely enlarged. This leads to severe abdominal swelling, making the it appear as though the woman is pregnant. I’ve had strangers ask me if I’m pregnant. It’s really upsetting, especially if you’re worrying about your fertility anyway.

Yeah..pretty much this.

Yeah..pretty much this.

Who gets adenomyosis?
If you read any published source on this disease it is likely to tell you that it primarily affects women in their late thirties and forties who have had multiple children. However, evidence is increasingly emerging that younger women can be affected by the disease, even young teenagers. Explore any online forum for adenomyosis and there are many women in their early twenties affected. I’m affected, I was diagnosed at 26 at it had clearly been going on inside me for quite a while.

It is likely that this age bias in the scientific literature stems from the fact diagnosis often relies on hysterectomy, and that women in their forties who have completed child bearing are more likely to take this option/ or be granted permission to take this option by their doctors.

My take home message here is that anybody with a uterus could have adenomyosis. If you have concerns about this based on your symptoms speak to your GP and request a referral to a gynecologist.

How is adenomyosis diagnosed?
I was initially diagnosed with adenomyosis during a laparoscopy in August 2014. After I woke from the anesthetic, my surgeon spent a long time detailing the numerous organs my endometriosis had damaged, and then ended her soliloquy with ”and you have a lumpy uterus”. No further explanation was provided and the term ‘adenomyosis’ itself was not mentioned, which really annoys me.

Fast forward six months and I am mid way through a trans-vaginal ultrasound at an endometriosis specialist center when the doctor says ”…and you have adenomyosis”. She said this so casually, like it was nothing. I’d pretty much worked this out from my own research following the whole ”lumpy uterus” comment, but it was still a huge blow and I cried my eyes out totally melodramatically for the rest of the day.

A historical reason why adenomyosis has been difficult to overlook is that is required examination of the uterus post-hysterectomy for a definitive diagnosis to be made. However, progress with scanning technologies, particularly MRI, means that adenomyosis is increasingly being diagnosed  without the need for hysterectomy, and can be accurately distinguished from similar conditions such as fibroids or leiomyoma.

Obligatory stock photo of a woman with period pain.

Obligatory ridiculous stock photo of a woman with period pain. She isn’t swearing and crying?!

Is there a cure?
A hysterectomy will cure adenomyosis. Since it only affects the tissue within the uterus, removing this organ solves the problem.

It’s clearly great that we do technically have a cure, unlike endometriosis which has none. However, hysterectomy clearly isn’t ideal and a better solution is required which doesn’t take such a huge physical toll on the body or cause infertility. I am still hoping to have children soon, so ripping out my uterus really isn’t an option right now. Since I can’t use hormones (such as the pill or mirena coil) which can be used to help manage adenomyosis, I am effectively forced live with symptoms for the foreseeable future.

Getting worse each month. Image credit: The Wondering Womb

Getting worse each month.
Image credit: The Wondering Womb

What other treatment options are available?
Before taking the plunge and opting for a hysterectomy, there are alternatives you can try- that’s the good news. The bad news is most have limited success rates and lack rigorous scientific evaluation. Unfortunately, these techniques are also rarely recommend for women who still wish to conceive in the future, as they risk causing damage to the uterus. I have very briefly summarized some of the most commonly used options below. For more information check out the links here and here.

Endometrial ablation:  A procedure that destroys or removes the uterus lining (the endometrium). This prevents any further bleeding (or bleeding is reduced to light spotting) in the hope of preventing further progression of adenomyosis over time. This procedure is offered to women seeking to avoid hysterectomy, but is clearly not an option for women seeking to preserve their fertility.

Myometrial/ adenomyoma excision: If the location of the adenomyosis can be determined through scanning on MRI or ultrasound etc, then it is possible for the diseased tissue to be surgically cut out (excised). This technique is only possible if the adenomyosis has not spread to a high proportion of the uterus. Due to difficulties with defining the margins of the adenomyosis the success rate of this procedure is currently estimated to be less than 50%.

Myometrial electrocoagulation: This procedure has the ability to shrink  adenomyosis deposits within the myometrium. It is carried out during a laparoscopic surgery, and using electrical current in the form of heat to destroy the adenomyosis deposits. However, this procedure is deemed less effective overall than excision owing to the fact that it is difficult to determine when the current has completed it’s work, risking diseased tissue being left behind.

Magenetic resonance-guided focused ultrasound: This is similar to myometrial electrocoagulation, using heat to destroy adenomyosis tissue. However, it has the additional advantage of being more greatly focused so that less damaged occurs to healthy surrounding tissue. However, this treatment approach is fairly new for use with people who have adenomyosis, and further research is required to ascertain its full impact.

What treatments have I tried?
I was taking the oral contraceptive pill for 8 of the last 10 years. It certainly helped to suppress many of my symptoms, although the disease was still spreading inside of me. I am not currently taking any medication or undergoing treatment as I am trying to conceive. As a consequence I often worry that my adenomyosis is getting worse with each period.

Why are you so annoyed about this?
On a personal level I am so and upset that I have to battle with another disease (on top on my endometriosis, chronic fatigue, and depression) to contend with. It just seems so unfair, but I know that’s how life is sometimes, so I’m trying to deal with it as best I can. As with my endometriosis, I am constantly frustrated that nobody has heard of adenomyosis- which basically means you get zero sympathy. Not that I really care about sympathy, but feeling understood and supported makes such a difference to living well with any chronic condition.

The lack of awareness has a more significant and darker impact than on just myself and is so damaging to women everywhere; it means there is limited research funding, no charity to advocate for us (at least this is so in the UK), and treatment options that come with extreme side effects and/or impact on the body. When you Google adenomyosis, speak to your GP about it, or delve into the research literature you basically get this response:

doctor shrug 2

The unanswered questions about this disease are fundamental and numerous.

This simply isn’t good enough. I even had to explain to my GP what adenomyosis is! I mentioned to a fellow endo sister that I have it and she replied with the perfect and sensitive comment: ”I am so sorry.” Not ”What’s that?” or ”I think my cousins sisters aunts daughter had that!”, or a <silence, blank expression>. Her response actually took me by surprise, and I realised it’s because I have never really received any compassion since my diagnosis, nor given any to myself.  Most of my family and friends can’t even pronounce adenomyosis. Seriously- if you want to support your loved ones and at least appear interested LEARN TO PRONOUNCE THEIR DISEASE please people!

We deserve so much better than this state of affairs. There are so many of us fighting adenomyosis on a daily basis in relative silence. We will continue to do so, and if I am brutally honest at times it’s pretty difficult to hope that things will be better for us any time soon. April is Adenomyosis awareness month, and I am finally ready to start speaking up. Are you?

Where can I find out more?
These resources have all proved useful to me for researching about this condition.
Review article by Taran, Stweart, & Brucker (2013)
Endopeadia
The Endo Patients Survival Guide
Adenomyosis Advice Association
Adenomyosis Fighters

So that’s my adenomyosis story. It isn’t pretty, and I’m not sure if a happy ending is on the horizon. Maybe a hysterectomy will be a part of my future, but maybe it won’t. Until then, I plan to keep fighting and making the decisions that are best for my body and mental wellbeing. I would love to hear about your experiences and thoughts on this disease. What symptoms do you have? What treatments have you tried? And, what have you accomplished in spite of this disease?

Love,
Claire
xx

Mission: The healthiest sick girl.

I have a new mission: I want to be ‘the healthiest sick girl’.

I know this may sounds strange to many people, but I bet if you’re reading this you have a chronic illness and so it won’t sound strange at all. Over the past year I have had a lot of people in my life say things to me along the lines of ”you are just so unhealthy aren’t you?” when I’ve rocked up to work looking like death for the millionth time. But nothing could be further from the truth. When you have an inflammatory and progressive disease like endometriosis, prioritizing your health really becomes really important, much more so  than other twenty-somethings who often can and do take their body for granted. That means eating better, sleeping more, exercising smarter, and managing your stress with precision. If you don’t you can expect some major payback with pain and/or fatigue.

It has taken a lot of work, but I think I’ve now truly accepted that I have a chronic illness and will experience some level of pain and fatigue for the rest of my life. That was my entire 2015 really, coming to terms with this new and unexpected reality;  lots of therapy, tears, and pizza was involved. I’m ready to start moving on now. I want to be as healthy and strong as I can be, and to start working towards my life goals again. To do this I need to be as well as possible. My health will never be perfect, and this journey won’t be easy, but I am ready for this fight now.

To succeed at being the healthiest sick girl, I have decided to make some goals in the following areas:

Nutrition

I’m so over ”the endo-diet”- at least in its full form. As I have mentioned previously it’s way too restrictive for me, and causes me a lot of anxiety and self criticism when I stray from it’s approved food groups. From now on, I am all about nourishing my body as best as I can with an abundance of healthy foods, rather than focusing on the foods that are ‘forbidden’. I hope this will mean that I enjoy cooking and eating again, since food is one of the great joys of life. It’s all about balance! I will focus on two goals in this area:

1.Adapting meals that I love to make them as nourishing as possible: Healthy eating is so hot right now, so with some googling and new cookbooks (I recommend Lucy Bee, Deliciously Ella, Jamie’s Super-foods, and Hemsley & Hemsley) I’ve learned that I can make all the foods that I love, and keep the spring in my step, by reworking traditional favorites with healthier ingredients. We have endometriosis- that’s enough to deal with without depriving ourselves right?! It breaks my heart when I hear women say they have given up their most loved meals and foods. Making your food from scratch often ups the healthiness anyway since you can use better quality ingredients than supermarkets/takeaways and can leave out any nasties. The photos below are some of the things I have made recently:

pancakes

My favourite cacao pancakes– gluten/diary/refined sugar free.

Vegetable chilli with brown rice, guacamole and sour cream. Lots of spices make this so tasty!

Sweet potato chili with brown rice, guacamole and sour cream. Lots of anti-inflammatory spices make this so tasty!

Every Sunday I make soup to take to work over the next week for my lunches.

Every Sunday I make soup to take to work over the next week for my lunches.

Hot chocolate with almond milk and organic cacao powder.

Hot chocolate with almond milk and organic cacao powder.

2. Upping the amount of organic foods that I eat: There is plenty of evidence regarding the negative effect of pesticides on hormone regulation. I now have a weekly organic fruit and vegetable delivery that really takes the hassle out of this, and to my surprise it hasn’t broken the bank.

riverford

Organic fruit and vegetable delivery encourages me to get creative with new recipes.

Exercise

Working out when you have endometriosis (or any chronic illness) is really hard. I’ve written about this before, but I do believe that with some forethought and planning exercising is possible with endometriosis and can help to manage your pain. This year I am aiming to achieve the following goals with my workouts:

1.Higher frequency and consistency: I want to do some physical activity each day, even if it means going for short walks or swims rather than sweating it out at my boot-camp classes.

2.Do more of the fun stuff: I have joined a Zumba class, as dancing is something I have loved since childhood. It feeds my soul, makes me smile, and the hour goes by so much quicker than at my circuits class! Finding an activity that you love is the key to fitness success!

Products

This area is all very new to me post endometriosis diagnosis, but wow there are a lot of nasty chemicals in the beauty and household products that we use! Many of these chemicals can act as powerful hormone disruptors, which is clearly not good news if you have a hormone-dependent condition such as endometriosis!

I’m not being militant about it, but I am making the move to do the following this year:
1.Be as natural as possible in the products that I use: Last year I switched all of my cosmetics to the Bare Minerals line, and have been really pleased with the results. I am also a big fan of organic extra virgin coconut oil, and have been using this for a range of beauty needs such as a hair mask, lip balm, deodorant, shaving gel, and bath soak! Such simple switches but hopefully they will help promote my health in the long term.

Coconut oil is a great natural beauty alternative. I use it as as a hair mask, moisturizer, shaving cream, lip balm, and body scrub.

Coconut oil is a great natural beauty alternative. I use it as as a hair mask, moisturizer, shaving cream, lip balm, and body scrub.

2.Conduct further research for this blog: I will be posting about this topic in greater depth in the near future so do keep a lookout if interested!

I have deliberately labelled these targets as ‘goals’ rather than ‘new year resolutions’ as I have no intention of this being a short term thing to be discarded by February. This is phase two of endometriosis recovery and it’s a long old track. I’m looking forward to working on this and to being the strongest, healthiest, and (I hope) happiest sick girl in town.

I’d love to hear if you have any long term health/lifestyle goals you are working on to help with your life with chronic illness. Hints on staying on course are also much appreciated!

Love,
Claire
xxx

Recovering from a laparoscopy for endometriosis.

Two weeks ago today I had my laparoscopy at UCLH. The surgery lasted for three hours, during which endometriosis was removed from my ovaries, diaphragm, bowel, pouch of douglas, and peritoneum. In addition, my uterosacral ligaments were removed and my ovaries were unstuck from my uterus and peritoneum, and  a large number of adhesions were. Overall this is a positive result, and no unexpected complications occurred for which I was at high risk- such as needing a colostomy bag and/or a second surgery to address my more complex areas of endometriosis. In all honesty the most difficult aspect of my admission was being last on the surgical list and having to wait around all day starving and dehydrating my butt off.

My bowel prep the day before was a whole other story though. I wasn’t that stressed about it beforehand, having undertaken one before when I had a colonoscopy. However, my body does love to troll me, so I spent the entire day before my surgery unexpectedly ‘firing from both ends’ (TMI I know- sorry) in my London hotel bathroom while my parents and husband awkwardly pretended not too hear in the bedroom next door. I don’t know what that was about as I was fine the last time I took one. The hilarious/ironic/awful thing was that the bowel prep didn’t even manage to complete itself as I was still going to the loo constantly throughout the next morning, so I ended up having to have an enema too. Life is so cruel!

Since having my surgery I have been approached by a number of people on endometriosis forums asking me to comment on the quality of care I received at UCLH, which is registered as a BGSE specialist centre, but seems to have a somewhat mixed reputation within the endo community. I have decided to write a more detailed post about this at a later point, once I have had my post surgery follow up with my surgeon, so do keep a lookout for that. For now I will say that overall I was pleased with my care throughout my admission and was impressed by how knowledgeable and compassionate my surgical team and nurses were.

I was well enough to do yet another TERRIBLE post-op selfie. Somebody needs to remove my phone when I'm under the influence of morphine.

I was well enough to do yet another TERRIBLE post-op selfie. Somebody needs to remove my phone when I’m under the influence of morphine.

I’m now recovering at home with the support of my husband and parents. Recovery is a tricky business isn’t it? Nobody ever prepares you for that. It is a given that you are going to be anxious when preparing for surgery, and people respond to this with understandable sympathy, but afterwards it seems like everyone expects you to be ‘fixed’, happy, and to just get on with life again.

I have been feeling slightly on edge because I am so desperate for this surgery to have worked to have some quality of life again. It’s weird because I think with most operations you know very quickly afterwards whether it has been a ‘success’ or not, whereas with endometriosis being a cyclical in nature it’s much more of a waiting game to find out whether the surgery has reduced or eliminated your symptoms. I don’t like waiting games, I am fed up with them now. Mr B and I also want to try for a baby soon, so I am beginning to secretly stress about that too. I’m really scared about whether I will be able to. I’ve never walked down infertility road but it looks a scary place to be from what I’ve read and the people I have talked to who have been there.

Being off work gives you a lot more time to think about these things. Too much time perhaps.I’ve been feeling quite flat, like I don’t know what to do with myself now. It’s like a big anti-climax as you spent so much time and energy focusing on and preparing for the surgery and then suddenly it’s all over.

On this plus side, I think I’ve been recovering really well. My scars are teeny tiny and healing well, I’m in little to no pain, and my family and friends have rallied around me this time so I am feeling really supported. I’ve never been good at relaxing and putting myself first, so that’s what I am going to work on over the coming weeks I think. I am also going to take up yoga when I’m well enough again to get this body as healthy and strong as it can be. Things ARE going to be better from now on I can feel it…they have to be.

I’m happy to answer any specific questions about surgery, bowel prep, or UCLH if you have any, or to hear about your ideas and tips for post-surgical coping and recovery.

Love,

Claire