He’s here at last! My pregnancy and birth with endometriosis and adenomyosis.

I’m happy to announce that baby Barney FINALLY arrived five weeks ago. I say finally as he was fifteen days overdue (!) in the end and arrived by emergency c-section as he flatly refused to be born! 😀

I still can’t believe I have a baby boy after years of fertility struggles owing to severe endometriosis and adenomyosis. It’s really surreal but I don’t take a moment for granted, even in the most sleep deprived moments.

I thought I’d give a little overview of my pregnancy and labour journey on here as I never see much written about this online with regards to endometriosis and adenomyosis. I imagine my experience is pretty individual though as these diseases tend to affect us all so differently, but thought it might be useful to share anyway.

Pregnancy
Aside from morning sickness that lasted for seven months I was actually in a moderate to severe amount of pain at times throughout my pregnancy. This felt like a stretching and ripping pain which I attributed to my adenomyosis and adhesions having to stretch despite not being made of the most stretchy substances. The worst part was you can’t  take any heavy duty pain killers in pregnancy so I just had to just grit my teeth and get through it. It felt quite alarming at times but my medical team never really seemed concerned, and all was well with myself and the baby throughout the pregnancy thankfully.

Birth
I never went into labour naturally. When I was fifteen days overdue things were getting slightly ridiculous and the baby was getting distressed so I agreed to be medically induced. This kind of broke my heart as I was hoping for a natural birth but accept that these things happen. My induction failed however as I did not dilate past 2 cm- hence the emergency c section! (FYI- Being awake for major surgery is CRAZY! Not sure I’m keen to repeat that in a hurry.) Lots of guess work here but I wonder to what extent having a uterus riddled with adenomyosis affected it’s ability to contract and dilate. I imagine it didn’t help. Not sure why I didn’t go into labour in the first place though- stress perhaps?

Ultimately, although I didn’t have the birth I imagined I am just thankful beyond words that Barney is here and we are both safe. Recovering from a c-section is proving to be tough for me (currently on my second post-op infection- yay!) but I am just trying to look after myself and take things one day at a time for now.

I spent so many years thinking having a baby would never be possible for somebody like me with severe endometriosis and adenomyosis who had been trying for years without success. I don’t really believe in miracles or fate or anything but I’d like to offer some hope to other women in my situation that things can work out and that you never know what’s going to happen in the future.

I’d love to hear your fertility/ pregnancy/ birth experiences with endometriosis and adenomyosis. Do you feel these conditions affected your plans for a family? 

With love,
Claire
xxx

My fertility journey with severe endometriosis and adenomyosis: An ode to Heal Endo.

This post originally featured on the fabulous Heal Endo website. You can see the original version, along with a very kind into, here.

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I remember waking up from my first laparoscopy with my surgeon hovering over me. ‘Good news, it isn’t cancer’ she said. ”Bad news, you have endometriosis and it’s really bad, it’s EVERYWHERE”. She recommended that I go to see my GP to have the Mirena coil fitted. ”Oh, and come back and see in a year when you’ve been unable to conceive, if that’s what you want” she added.

And that was my terrible introduction to the crazy world that is life with endometriosis. I was 25 years old. I had never even heard of endometriosis and no explanation was provided. Not that it was a huge surprise after some speedy Googling- I had been suffering with severe period pain, fatigue, bowel and bladder pain, as well as shoulder pain since I was 12 years old. These symptoms had worsened over time and become increasingly debilitating to the point where I was considering dropping out of my PhD studies as I felt too ill and exhausted to continue working. I was hospitalized with diarrhea so severe at one point that I almost died of dehydration! A year later a diagnosis of severe adenomyosis followed.

The news that I had a chronic and incurable condition that I would have to somehow manage for the rest of my life was more upsetting than the fertility bombshell at the time. I was only 25 and having children hadn’t ever really crossed my mind at this point, despite recently becoming engaged to my partner Simon. I joined a local support group and did lots of reading, and decided the best course of action for a chance of recovery and to boost my fertility was to have excision surgery, which I underwent in London two years later.

While excision surgery helped to reduce my pain and symptoms significantly, I soon realised there was a huge difference between ‘having less pain’ and ‘feeling truly well’. Two years post surgery I had also been unable to conceive which was making me feel anxious, depressed, and like a failure. Like many of my endo sisters I turned to natural approaches with the aim of prompting my health, and started following the ‘endo diet’ religiously. I cut everything- gluten, dairy, soy, meat. You name it, I didn’t eat it. I was also pretty miserable (I’m a massive foodie at heart) and didn’t feel that the endo diet was nourishing me in the way that I hoped, as I wrote about in my blog here. I was also punishing myself with heavy exercise daily with the thought that this was healthy and would help me to manage my pain better and to lose the weight I seemed to be gaining despite my attempt to restrict calories.

And that’s where my association with Katie from Heal Endo started. She contacted me saying that she liked my post and agreed that the traditional endo diet is not as healing as it could be and is often counterproductive.  Katie suggested that she could work with me and that with her guidance we might be able to improve my symptoms and make me truly well again. I jumped at the offer! I would try anything, although by this point I felt somewhat skeptical about the impact that a natural approach could achieve. Fertility, I insisted, should be placed on the back burner indefinitely. I knew my body needed to heal and was in no fit state to carry a baby as it was. Anyway, I felt defeated and was reluctant to spend huge amounts of money on IVF.

After completing a barrage of testing and paperwork documenting my symptoms and usual diet, Katie was able to devise an individualized eating and movement plan to start me on my journey to healing. I was slightly intimidated as it represented a huge change to my usual habits as a low sugar plan was recommended for me at first as my glucose scores were through the roof! Strangely , I grieved the loss of caffeine the most as my daily cups of tea had fulled me for years and had become somewhat of a comfort blanket. Instead of daily weight training and running I’d be walking. Still, I persevered and committed 100% as I knew this was an all or nothing opportunity.

What amazed me was how quickly my symptoms started to reduce when following the ‘Heal Endo’ approach. After about two weeks I noticed something truly remarkable whilst driving to work- for the first time in over a decade I was feeling well! I had energy! I actually felt happy! All this while eating more than ever too.

As the weeks rolled on this trend continued- my energy levels increased to what I’d call ‘normal’, my mood stabilized (no more ‘hangry’ my husband joked to his relief), and my bowel symptoms melted away. I enjoyed being able to introduce more foods over time with the focus on their healing benefits (such as pro-biotics) rather than the focus being on deprivation of what was off limits. Also, the food I was making was really tasty- even my husband (the ultimate sugar addict) was able to join in and was enjoying the meals.  Being abler to eat lots of organic grass fed meats, dairy, and vegetables was a joy.

But the biggest shock, three months into my work with Katie I fell pregnant completely unexpectedly. I am awaiting the arrival of my baby boy any day now. I will never forget Katie’s amazed and delighted face when I told her my news. It felt like a miracle but upon reflection I was feeling so well by this point I honestly believe my body was ready at last. Everything seems to have fallen into place, and I am so grateful to Katie and her Heal Endo method for this.

I cannot recommend working with Katie and/or following the advice published at Heal Endo highly enough. It has honestly changed my life and I will be practicing her approach for the rest of my life. She is also a kind and fun person who is open to collaboration and helping you get the most from your own healing goals.

I hope my story can give some hope to other women out there experiencing fertility struggles. I feel like if I could go on to conceive and carry a baby to term with severe endometriosis and adenomyosis then there really is hope for other people too. Katie also has her own inspiring fertility story to tell.

You can read more about Katie’s work on her site Heal Endo or you can follow her on Instagram (@heal.endo).

I’d love to hear more about your own fertility journeys- what you feel helped and hindered the process!

With love,
Claire
xxx

Seasons greetings and happy update :)

Seasons greetings everyone! Hope your Christmas and new year are as restful and pain free as possible.

Apologies that I have not been able to post for a while, a lot (of truly HORRIBLE stuff) has been happening in my personal life which means I’ve had limited time for writing and a significant amount of writers block. I have lots of new articles planned for the next few weeks to please do stick with me.


I just wanted to post a quick update on her to share some happy and exciting news that I have (for once, see I’m not all doom and gloom)… In April I’m going to be having a baby boy! 🙂 Currently 25 weeks pregnant. Still can’t quite believe it- having both severe endometriosis and adenomyosis, and having been trying for a few years with no success. I’d pretty much written myself off fertility wise to be honest with you.

Maybe miracles do happen. Or perhaps it’s luck. Or maybe I’m one of the people I hate who just ‘relaxed’ and then got pregnant- as if that’s a thing. Either way, I got the shock of my life after doing a quick pregnancy test having felt ‘a bit weird’ for a week in the summer.

I hope this isn’t too triggering for anyone but I just wanted to share my good news with you all as so many of your have been such huge sources of inspiration and support throughout my chronic illness journey.

Take care of yourselves, and am looking forward to posting again in the coming weeks. If you need me feel free to drop me a message into my email inbox- I know this time of year can be really difficult, and it is for me too this year, so always happy to talk.

With love,
Claire
xxx

Ten tips for living well with endometriosis from the EUK Information Day.

A little while ago I attended an Information Day hosted by Endometriosis UK in London. It was mainly aimed at newly diagnosed women and their friends/ families, but I thought it would be fun to go along to catch up with people and to hopefully pick up some new tips.

Image result for endometriosis banner long

Image credit: Endometriosis UK

I thought it might be useful to share some of the useful tips I picked up along the day for those of you who wouldn’t be there in person.

1- Find and build your tribe.
Having endometriosis is really rubbish, and can feel very isolating and frightening. Invest time and effort building up a support network of fellow endometriosis suffers (aka your ‘tribe’) as they are more likely to understand and relate to your struggles than your family and friends who do not have the disease. Fellow patients can also be an excellent source of information and advice. You can start building your tribe through local support group or online support groups.

2- Specialist nurses can be a valuable asset in your journey.
If you are being treated in a BSGE centre for endometriosis, there will be a specialist endometriosis nurse at the hospital whose role it is to support you and to  advocate on your behalf. These nurses have a wealth of knowledge and experience about living well with endometriosis, and also have more time available than consultants to discuss your history, goals, and treatment options. If you are being treated at a BSGE centre, but aren’t offered an appointment with a specialist nurse raise this with your medical team.

3- You are the CEO of your body.
When you have a debilitating disease like endometriosis it can be easy to feel that you lack control over your body. However, we can exercise a lot of control over many of the factors that influence pain; such as sleep, diet, exercise, and stress. Take ownership of your body one step at a time and you are likely to start feeling positive effects. The Pain Toolkit can be a really useful starting point for this. As can keeping a pain diary.

4- Exercise is your friend.
It can be very gentle and take place at home. Start small and build up, but regular movement promotes general health and can help to reduce pain thanks to endorphins. Many women at the event shared their experiences and the consensus seemed to be around yoga, swimming, and pilates as particularly helpful.

5- Endometriosis is a highly individual disease.
There are no quick fixes or easy answers. What works some for some people won’t work for you, and vice versa. Don’t get discouraged. Take time to get to know your own body, and think through what matters to you before deciding on a treatment strategy.

6- If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Whether it be a specialist endometriosis nurse or a referral to a pain management team, you’re often only likely to be offered services when you have directly asked for them. Do your research about what services are available, and make sure you advocate for yourself. Services are out there to be utilised.

7- Progress is being made to improve the patient journey….
During the Information Day the presenters discussed the new NICE guidelines for endometriosis which will soon come into force and will hopefully positively influence patient care. Other initiatives aimed at improving research funding for the disease were also raised. This is all really positive progress and shows that endometriosis awareness is continuing to grow. This can only have a positive impact on us as a patient community.

8- …But conversely, lots of the old myths still exist!
Lots of the ladies present at the Information Day said they had been advised by their doctors to have a baby or hysterectomy as a cure for endometriosis. The debate about the benefits of excision vs ablation surgery was also discussed. The take home message- see the most experienced doctor you can and view all information provided with a critical eye. You are the CEO of your own body after all, don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

9- Endometriosis is a life changing illness.
Don’t let anybody undermine your experience or tell you otherwise. Yes it’s not cancer, and no it’s not likely to kill you, but it’s still a pretty big deal.

10- There is hope.
There were lots of women with endometriosis at the Information Day who have been diagnosed with endometriosis for a very long time, and who had learned to thrive despite the awful experiences they had endured. Carol Pearson gave a particularly inspiring speech which reiterated that sometimes you don’t ended up living the life you would have planned for yourself, but that life can be one hell of adventure anyway. Oh, and she also reminded us to keep shouting loudly about endometriosis whenever you can. Change can and will happen for endometriosis, and we have such power to bring that about from within our community.

I hope this was useful. Sometimes it’s good just to reinforce the important tools that we know, as knowing and doing can be two separate things! I’d also love to hear your single top tip for living well with endometriosis!

Love,
Claire
xxx

What doesn’t kill you…tales from my most recent hospital appointment for endometriosis.

I recently had a hospital appointment at an endometriosis specialist centre in London.  I promised I would update you all, and lot’s of people have contacted me to see how things went, so I thought I’d do a quick post to spill the beans. I am the most open of all books after all.

For those of you not in the loop, I had excision surgery 18 months ago at this hospital to treat my severe endometriosis- including on my bowel, diaphragm, utersacral ligaments, and pouch of douglas. I also had an endometrioma removed from my right ovary.  Oh, and since my body hates me apparently, I also have adenomyosis, but have not had any treatment for this to date.

A quick word to the wise. I know a lot of people associate my case with Mr. Cutner, as he was the surgeon who performed my excision. However, I did not see him at all during this most recent appointment, just to be clear so he isn’t tarnished by any subsequent whinging that happens in this post.

Anyway, ‘happy’ reading…

Why was I referred back to the endometriosis center?
For the past six months I have been experiencing a recurrence of some of my endometriosis symptoms. This includes right sided ovary and abdominal pain and random  stabbing pains in my shoulder and chest. I’ve generally been pretty well since my surgery, but have had two debilitating flare ups- one of which lasted for six weeks. We’ve also been trying (with varying amounts of effort and enthusiasm) to conceive for over a year now. After speaking with my GP I decided I would like to go back to UCLH to see what’s going on with my endo/adeno, before consulting with a fertility specialist.

Following a referral process which would test the patience of a Tibetan monk on sedatives, and a two month wait, I was on my merry way to London with Mr. B with a head full of trepidation and a heart full of optimism.

It’s wasn’t the most fun train ride ever. I get so grouchy before appointments.

What happened during my appointment?
I had two appointment scheduled for the day. The first was for a trans-vaginal ultrasound scan and the second was for a followup discussion with the doctor. I find trans-vaginal scans a uniquely humiliating and awful experience, but I won’t dwell on that here today- that’s for a future post.

I would also have seen the endometriosis specialist nurse after my scan but she was away on training that day unfortunately. Still, this gave Mr. B and I time to visit the Star Wars Identities exhibition at the 02 arena in the four hour gap between appointments because, you know, compromise (he listens to me incessantly wailing about my lady parts, I embrace what to my mind is an irrational obsession with space stuff).

What were the test results?
So, the good news. According to my scan results my endometriosis does not seem to have returned over the last 18 months. Yay for me. I do have another endometrioma on my right ovary but it’s tiny (about 1/4 of a cm), and I have a couple of ‘flimsy adhesions’.

The bad news. My adenomyosis is worse. I now have some nice chunky adenomyomas making themselves at home in my uterus muscles. When expressing my unhappiness about this my doctor replied ”well, your adenomyosis was bad before and it’s bad now.” FYI physicians- THIS IS NOT COMFORTING!

They also couldn’t really offer an explanation as to why my abdomen and right ovary have been feeling like they might explode. To my mind my adenomyosis, endometrioma (no matter how miniature) and adhesions seem to be very strong candidates, but the team said no- and hey, they’re the experts right?!

What action was recommended going forward?
During my afternoon appointment I was presented with a choice- what is more important to you- pain management or fertility? The recommended course of action would differ significantly depending on what I choose.

If it’s pain management, then they’d recommend radical action for me. Possible removing my uterus and/or ovaries, then hormones. If it’s fertility then this isn’t possible, or obvious reasons.

I said that fertility is the bigger priority right now, so I was advised to speak to my GP about getting a referral to a fertility specialist. If the fertility clinic advise having a laparoscopy then the endometriosis centre will happily do this, but for now there is basically nothing they can do to help me.

This basically sounds positive- why are you being so grumpy?
I came out of my appointment feeling quite annoyed and underwhelmed, and four days later I still do. There are several reasons for this I think:

Firstly, I’m kind of stuck in a halfway house still and don’t really feel like I’ve made much progress on my journey. I don’t know why I’m in pain  and if I will ever be able to have a baby. Also, there’s a part of me that is worrying that my endo has actually come back but it just isn’t being picked up on the scan :/

Secondly, my doctor literally gave zero shits. It was palpable. I know everyone gets desensitized when regularly exposed to tragedy, but at least pretend to care. I told him that I find it unacceptable and frustrating that I have to make a choice between my quality of life for the foreseeable future and having a family, and he was literally like this…

Yes this is my lot and there isn’t anything I or he can really do about it, but politeness and empathy can go a long way. After receiving my legendary death stare in response (my friends call it ‘the eye of disgrace’ haha) he recommended that i speak to my GP for a referral to a pain management specialist, which isn’t a bad idea.

He also went into full on patronizing/smug mode which is making me want to make him into a voodoo doll to stab. He told me to focus on the little things like I’m well enough to go out for a coffee. I was kind of like, well yeah, but this disease has basically stopped me from completing my PhD at Cambridge, ruined my self esteem, and if I need IVF is going to financially break me. Those are my goals- not coffee mate. But he doesn’t care about my goals of course. I will leave the clinic soon and they will not affect him anymore.

I could seriously moan about this guy all day, so I’ll stop there. Interestingly, a close friend of mine (who is very fair and reasonable and not at all an emotional hothead like myself) also saw this doctor recently and expressed similar feelings. Coincidence? I think not. Still over all the appointment was well managed and people were pleasant. I got the information I need to move forward which is all I wanted anyway.

Sorry about the ranty post guys, but well, you did ask. I’ve enjoyed being free from the merry-go-round of mediocre hospital appointments and I’m gutted to be getting back on again.

I’m also feeling a bit lost and lonely on this journey at the moment, but I know that many of you will know what this feels like. My life has changed quite a lot in recent months and I don’t feel like I have such a support network around me. But I am determined to manage my endometriosis and adenomyosis my way as much as possible. I’ve written before about how I want to avoid a hysterectomy if I possibly can, but I’m trying not to focus on this too much now. It’s a problem for future Claire to deal with.  For now I will up my efforts on the diet and exercise front to assist me to be as well as possible.

So this is my most recent mini drama that isn’t really a drama. I’d love to hear any of your experiences about life post excision surgery. I’m also really interested in hearing about your experiences at fertility clinics, I’m freaking out about this a bit.

Much love and thanks for reading!
Claire
xxx

I am currently featuring on The Fertility Podcast to raise awareness of endometriosis.

It’s March 1st- which means it is now officially the beginning of Endometriosis Awareness Month! I’m really excited for all the articles and events planned to raise awareness of this horrible disease over the coming weeks!

I recently had the privilege of being interviewed about my experiences of endometriosis (and infertility) by Natalie from The Fertility Podcast. I will not stop until the whole world knows about my broken lady parts- and why this is a big deal! 🙂

You can check out the full podcast here.

fertility-podcast

I’d love to know what you think of the podcast. Do my experiences resonate with your own? Have you had experience of infertility or IVF? (Also, I am always here for any of you affected my infertility/ endometriosis who needs somebody to talk to, so please do get in touch if needed. Please don’t suffer alone- a problem shared really can be a problem halved).

With love,
Claire
xxx

Adenomyosis: A one way ticket to hysterectomy?

Did you know that April is Adenomyosis awareness month?

april adenomyosis awareness

I was diagnosed with this disease in August 2014, on the same day that I was also diagnosed with endometriosis. It really wasn’t my greatest day- but it did explain rather a lot. Like many people I had never even heard of adenomyosis before, so I was very taken aback to find out that I have it. Adeno-what?! When I wanted to learn more about this mystery illness that had been wrecking havoc on my insides, a quick internet search revealed (rather depressingly) that adenomyosis a) is the lesser understood evil cousin of endometriosis (and that is certainly saying something!), and b) is a leading cause of hysterectomy.

This hysterectomy factoid really bothered me from the start. It may be some form of Stockholm Syndrome, but I am really attached to all my lady parts and am not keen to loose them. However, reading about the experiences of other women with the disease on internet forums made me feel like having a hysterectomy is an inevitable part of my future. They describe the disease growing stronger until it takes over your life. Now don’t get me wrong, I want all women to feel empowered to make the choices that are right for them, and if a hysterectomy is going to relieve suffering then that’s great. But for a long time I lived in a state of panic, like my uterus is a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. I  tell myself that those joining support forums or having hysterectomies are those who have been worse affected by the disease, and may not be representative of the majority of women with adenomyosis.

I’ve gotten bored of living in fear and feeling that I have no control over what is happening to my body. I have written this post to answer some of the questions I am frequently asked about my experiences with adenomyosis, to try and figure out what may be waiting for me in the future, and to help raise awareness for this often debilitating much overlooked disease.

What is adenomyosis?

Adenomyosis is a benign chronic disease where the lining of the uterus (endometrium) grows into the muscle layer of the uterus (myometrium). This can happen diffusely throughout the uterus-appearing as little specks, or can lead to the formation of larger growths called adenomyomas.

adenomyosis

What does adenomyosis feel like?
Having endometriosis in addition to adenomyosis, I used to find it difficult to determine precisely which symptoms were caused by each disease. Since having my endometriosis surgically excised I believe I now have a much clearer understanding of the effects that adenomyosis has on my body. It’s important to note though that each person experiences of disease is unique- how adenomyosis affects me may be completely different for somebody else.

For me, adenomyosis feels like a red hot poker is being slowly stabbed into my uterus over and over again. This used to only happen during my period, but now it strikes any time in my cycle. It’s basically uterus Armageddon. The disease also leads to a dull but intense aching sensation which radiates to my lower back and thighs. Like many women with the disease I also experience heavy periods with the presence of many clots, some of which are very large. I once had a clot the size of an egg- it was horrifying. I’ve tracked my periods since puberty and they have certainly become progressively heavier and more painful over the years.

A myriad of other symptoms have also been associated with adenomyosis. I have certainly experienced many of them to greater of lesser degrees, such as fatigue, aching joints, bloating, and a general feeling of malaise. Adenomyosis can also compromise bowel and bladder function, lead to anemia (from the prolonged heavy bleeding), and has been tentatively linked to depression. It’s effect on fertility is currently unclear as there has been little research on the subject, and the work that has been done is often confounded by the women also having a diagnosis of endometriosis. However, the general feeling appears to be that adenomyosis can negatively impact upon fertility outcomes, we just aren’t clear precisely why or how this is.

Over time adenomyosis can also cause the uterus to grow, and it can become extremely enlarged. This leads to severe abdominal swelling, making the it appear as though the woman is pregnant. I’ve had strangers ask me if I’m pregnant. It’s really upsetting, especially if you’re worrying about your fertility anyway.

Yeah..pretty much this.

Yeah..pretty much this.

Who gets adenomyosis?
If you read any published source on this disease it is likely to tell you that it primarily affects women in their late thirties and forties who have had multiple children. However, evidence is increasingly emerging that younger women can be affected by the disease, even young teenagers. Explore any online forum for adenomyosis and there are many women in their early twenties affected. I’m affected, I was diagnosed at 26 at it had clearly been going on inside me for quite a while.

It is likely that this age bias in the scientific literature stems from the fact diagnosis often relies on hysterectomy, and that women in their forties who have completed child bearing are more likely to take this option/ or be granted permission to take this option by their doctors.

My take home message here is that anybody with a uterus could have adenomyosis. If you have concerns about this based on your symptoms speak to your GP and request a referral to a gynecologist.

How is adenomyosis diagnosed?
I was initially diagnosed with adenomyosis during a laparoscopy in August 2014. After I woke from the anesthetic, my surgeon spent a long time detailing the numerous organs my endometriosis had damaged, and then ended her soliloquy with ”and you have a lumpy uterus”. No further explanation was provided and the term ‘adenomyosis’ itself was not mentioned, which really annoys me.

Fast forward six months and I am mid way through a trans-vaginal ultrasound at an endometriosis specialist center when the doctor says ”…and you have adenomyosis”. She said this so casually, like it was nothing. I’d pretty much worked this out from my own research following the whole ”lumpy uterus” comment, but it was still a huge blow and I cried my eyes out totally melodramatically for the rest of the day.

A historical reason why adenomyosis has been difficult to overlook is that is required examination of the uterus post-hysterectomy for a definitive diagnosis to be made. However, progress with scanning technologies, particularly MRI, means that adenomyosis is increasingly being diagnosed  without the need for hysterectomy, and can be accurately distinguished from similar conditions such as fibroids or leiomyoma.

Obligatory stock photo of a woman with period pain.

Obligatory ridiculous stock photo of a woman with period pain. She isn’t swearing and crying?!

Is there a cure?
A hysterectomy will cure adenomyosis. Since it only affects the tissue within the uterus, removing this organ solves the problem.

It’s clearly great that we do technically have a cure, unlike endometriosis which has none. However, hysterectomy clearly isn’t ideal and a better solution is required which doesn’t take such a huge physical toll on the body or cause infertility. I am still hoping to have children soon, so ripping out my uterus really isn’t an option right now. Since I can’t use hormones (such as the pill or mirena coil) which can be used to help manage adenomyosis, I am effectively forced live with symptoms for the foreseeable future.

Getting worse each month. Image credit: The Wondering Womb

Getting worse each month.
Image credit: The Wondering Womb

What other treatment options are available?
Before taking the plunge and opting for a hysterectomy, there are alternatives you can try- that’s the good news. The bad news is most have limited success rates and lack rigorous scientific evaluation. Unfortunately, these techniques are also rarely recommend for women who still wish to conceive in the future, as they risk causing damage to the uterus. I have very briefly summarized some of the most commonly used options below. For more information check out the links here and here.

Endometrial ablation:  A procedure that destroys or removes the uterus lining (the endometrium). This prevents any further bleeding (or bleeding is reduced to light spotting) in the hope of preventing further progression of adenomyosis over time. This procedure is offered to women seeking to avoid hysterectomy, but is clearly not an option for women seeking to preserve their fertility.

Myometrial/ adenomyoma excision: If the location of the adenomyosis can be determined through scanning on MRI or ultrasound etc, then it is possible for the diseased tissue to be surgically cut out (excised). This technique is only possible if the adenomyosis has not spread to a high proportion of the uterus. Due to difficulties with defining the margins of the adenomyosis the success rate of this procedure is currently estimated to be less than 50%.

Myometrial electrocoagulation: This procedure has the ability to shrink  adenomyosis deposits within the myometrium. It is carried out during a laparoscopic surgery, and using electrical current in the form of heat to destroy the adenomyosis deposits. However, this procedure is deemed less effective overall than excision owing to the fact that it is difficult to determine when the current has completed it’s work, risking diseased tissue being left behind.

Magenetic resonance-guided focused ultrasound: This is similar to myometrial electrocoagulation, using heat to destroy adenomyosis tissue. However, it has the additional advantage of being more greatly focused so that less damaged occurs to healthy surrounding tissue. However, this treatment approach is fairly new for use with people who have adenomyosis, and further research is required to ascertain its full impact.

What treatments have I tried?
I was taking the oral contraceptive pill for 8 of the last 10 years. It certainly helped to suppress many of my symptoms, although the disease was still spreading inside of me. I am not currently taking any medication or undergoing treatment as I am trying to conceive. As a consequence I often worry that my adenomyosis is getting worse with each period.

Why are you so annoyed about this?
On a personal level I am so and upset that I have to battle with another disease (on top on my endometriosis, chronic fatigue, and depression) to contend with. It just seems so unfair, but I know that’s how life is sometimes, so I’m trying to deal with it as best I can. As with my endometriosis, I am constantly frustrated that nobody has heard of adenomyosis- which basically means you get zero sympathy. Not that I really care about sympathy, but feeling understood and supported makes such a difference to living well with any chronic condition.

The lack of awareness has a more significant and darker impact than on just myself and is so damaging to women everywhere; it means there is limited research funding, no charity to advocate for us (at least this is so in the UK), and treatment options that come with extreme side effects and/or impact on the body. When you Google adenomyosis, speak to your GP about it, or delve into the research literature you basically get this response:

doctor shrug 2

The unanswered questions about this disease are fundamental and numerous.

This simply isn’t good enough. I even had to explain to my GP what adenomyosis is! I mentioned to a fellow endo sister that I have it and she replied with the perfect and sensitive comment: ”I am so sorry.” Not ”What’s that?” or ”I think my cousins sisters aunts daughter had that!”, or a <silence, blank expression>. Her response actually took me by surprise, and I realised it’s because I have never really received any compassion since my diagnosis, nor given any to myself.  Most of my family and friends can’t even pronounce adenomyosis. Seriously- if you want to support your loved ones and at least appear interested LEARN TO PRONOUNCE THEIR DISEASE please people!

We deserve so much better than this state of affairs. There are so many of us fighting adenomyosis on a daily basis in relative silence. We will continue to do so, and if I am brutally honest at times it’s pretty difficult to hope that things will be better for us any time soon. April is Adenomyosis awareness month, and I am finally ready to start speaking up. Are you?

Where can I find out more?
These resources have all proved useful to me for researching about this condition.
Review article by Taran, Stweart, & Brucker (2013)
Endopeadia
The Endo Patients Survival Guide
Adenomyosis Advice Association
Adenomyosis Fighters

So that’s my adenomyosis story. It isn’t pretty, and I’m not sure if a happy ending is on the horizon. Maybe a hysterectomy will be a part of my future, but maybe it won’t. Until then, I plan to keep fighting and making the decisions that are best for my body and mental wellbeing. I would love to hear about your experiences and thoughts on this disease. What symptoms do you have? What treatments have you tried? And, what have you accomplished in spite of this disease?

Love,
Claire
xx

My fertility is Schrodinger’s cat.

While sitting in the hospital waiting room the other day waiting for my name to be called- it was my post excision surgery checkup, I could feel my heart starting to beat really hard and fast, my palms became sweaty, and my eyes starting to well up with tears. In my hand was a list of questions I hoped to ask in my appointment, most of which concerned fertility. It’s well established that endometriosis is linked to a lower rate of fertility, with increasing severity of the disease further decreasing likelihood of conception. I’m a stage four gal- never wanting to do things by halves, and this has been worrying me since my diagnosis in August 2014. Between you and me, Mr B and I are just starting to try for a baby, so the fertility issue has been on my mind a lot lately.

Sitting in that over lit waiting room  I had a sudden epiphany- my fertility is Schrodinger’s cat! For those not as nerdy as myself, ‘Schrodinger’s cat’ is a thought experiment from Physics, which postulates that it is ‘observation’ (i.e ‘looking’) that makes things real . This short video explains the basic premise very well:

In this scenario the cat is my fertility and the poisonous gas is the toxic combination of my endometriosis and adenomyosis. Good right? My brain fog had clearly recovered enough to formulate a high level metaphor- progress right there!

As I’ve never tried to have a baby before, my fertility is simultaneously dead AND alive- and we won’t find out which until we try. There are no definite answers to be given right now.

The uncertainty of this situation scares me. It follows me around daily like a big black cloud hanging over my head that nobody else can see. I want to beg my doctor for concrete answers about my situation. Perhaps a definite  ”you can’t” would be easier to handle than constant ”maybe you cans”? Although to have hope means something. You never imagine that you will have to question your fertility, it’s just there until you need it right?! I’m in my 20s, this can’t be happening! The pain of this certainty being taken away is just indescribable.

Worrying about your fertility can be a very lonely experience, especially when you have loads of friends who are all pregnant or new mothers.  I’m so happy for them, I’m just sad for me. Maybe unnecessarily sad, but still sad. But I was never the girl who daydreamed about having kids; dressing up dolls and picking out potential baby names. It was meeting Mr B that changed all that. Crafting out our future together I can totally see children in it. I want that. I’m ready! I think I’d be a good mother. He would be the most AMAZING father.

In my appointment, which ended up being with an specialist endometriosis nurse (which was excellent by the way- she gave me an hour of her time and answered all of my questions with a high degree of knowledge and empathy), I tried my best to explain all my fears:
1) How I constantly swing between positive thoughts (‘‘Your Fallopian tubes are clear” and ‘‘You’ve had excision surgery now, that will help”) to negative ones (”Your right ovary is a wreck”, ”You have to much inflammation” and ”You have adenomyosis”) a thousand times a day in some weird fertility related bi-polar.
2) How I’m so scared to come off hormones as being on them has kept me going for most of my life, and because I’m scared that my endometriosis and adenomyosis will go wild without them.
3) And how I’m so scared to face an infertility journey, if that what comes, and am not ready for it. I have become familiar with what it does to people and I feel so guilty for the possibility of my husband never being a father or my mum and dad grandparents.

We can call this 'Plan B'.

We can call this ‘Plan B’.

”You’re a worrier aren’t you?!” my specialist nurse commented. That’s true, but I’d call myself a realist. How can I not be, when I’ve done my reading and met so many people affected by this problem? It’s another example, so familiar to us those living with chronic illnesses, that people ‘don’t get it until they get it.’ They never will.

Right now I can’t answer all of these fears. Nobody can. All I can do is try and see what happens. It’s time to open the box and reveal the kitty’s fate. But I’m so scared to look inside, I don’t know if I can handle what’s in there.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences of fertility with endometriosis and/or adenomyosis. Did you fear the worst but get lucky? Or do you stay positive that things will work out?  Are you aware of actions to take which may help?

Love,

Claire